| Long
ago in a galaxy far far away.. ( AOL in the mid 90's to be
exact) BDSM cyber pioneers begaan assembling a set of documents
to help those who would come after them. The collective texts
were known as the Newbie Pack.
Many of the texts are still visible on several BDSM sites,
wizdomme
has many of the texts. Some have also been saved and are posted
as important entry level reaading here as well. While some
of these items are dated or more geared for online players,
they are still worth a mention. |
Rule 1 -Public
Meetings | Rule 2-
tell a friend | Rule
3 - First scenes | Rule 4 Safety checks
| Rule 5 Silent alarms | Rule
6 - Home free call
Class 1- IM's |
Phone calls | Class 2 First meets
| Safe Calls |
First Scenes | Safe Word |
Safe Sex | Emotional Safety
| Heed warnings of others
This
is part of a comprehensive training program for Submissives and
Dominants. The program is designed not only to introduce the sensual
aspects of D/s but also explores those other important areas as
establishing trust, safety rules that apply to the initial Real
Time (RT) meeting of a Dom and a Submissive.
The
relationship between a dominant and a true submissive is both
complex and rewarding for both partners. To be successful a D&S
relationship must be based on mutual trust and respect. The
dominant must be completely trustworthy and respect the needs
and desires of their submissives.
The
submissive partner must respect and trust the dominant to accept
without reservation the training, guidance, encouragement,and
appropriate correction of undesirable behavior. The title "Master"
must be earned and the title "slave" be respected.
Never
forget........ As part of the D/s relationship, the submissive
submits to the direction of the "Master" and in doing
so, creates a potential for abuse and unsafe behavior on the part
of the Dominant partner. Unfortunately, there are among us people,
those who claim to be experienced dominants who are in reality
sadistic abusers who betray the trust and inflict pain and punishment
far beyond the limits of the submissive.
That
is why the initial meetings between Dominants and new submissives
must have stringently enforced safety rules. Listed below are
the initial safety rules for new submissives. I offer them to
all because I believe them to be very important. Please feel free
to pass this document on to anyone who is planning to experience
a real time relationship for the first time.
Rule
Number One:
Meet
your potential dominant partner in a public place.
The first meeting is strictly social and a getting acquainted
opportunity. This should be made very clear at the outset, and
any effort by the dominant partner to "seduce" the submissive
should be seen as an act of bad faith and indication of a lack
of trust worthiness.
Rule
Number Two:
A
trusted person should know about the schedule of the meeting and
should be called at an appointed time at the end of the meeting
to confirm that all has gone well. [Malo's
addendum; you and your "safe call person" should both
have specific information about the person you are meeting should
you turn up missing or late. This should include a verified working
phone number and other confirmed specific information that an
above board and honest person would be willing to share with you
without hesitation, even if they prefer to remain private in their
kink. NEVER get in their vehicle on the first meeting no matter
how charming or what the problem might be with your own transportation.]
Rule
Number Three:
If
the dominant partner passes the initial screening, a second meeting
can be arranged. This meeting is designed to initially establish
a sensual relationship. But the limits imposed on this meeting
are absolute. The limits are as follows:
The
submissive will in no way be physically immobilized, Real bondage
of any kind will not be allowed during the first meeting.
Gags
or any devices which prevent the submissive from calling for help
are also not allowed during this meeting.
Safe
words will be strictly enforced.
Nothing
more dangerous that a hand, flat paddle or crop will be used for
disciplinary purposes.
Slapping,
striking or hitting of any kind above the shoulders is strictly
forbidden.
The
submissive partner has the right to stop the encounter at any
time and leave immediately.
Rule
Number Four:
A
safety system will be established. It requiring a periodic phone
call (usually once every hour on the hour) to a safety monitor
(friend) who knows the location of the meeting and is prepared
to notify the police and the hotel should the call be more than
10 minutes overdue.
Rule
Number Five:
There
will be established series of code words that are imbedded in
the safety calls that verifies to the friend that all is well
or warns of trouble. These are sometimes referred to as "silent
alarms".
Rule
Number Six:
The
submissive must call the Safety monitor when she or he has left
the presence of the dominant and is well away from the meeting
place. A code word will also be used to confirm that all is well.
In
any D/s relationship, the dominant partner must assume the responsibility
for
the safety of the submissive partner. If the dominant partner
is not willing to accept the rules as stated above, then it is
clear that the dominant partner is not willing to accept that
responsibility, and protect the well being of the submissive.
Never
forget, submission to a partner is the greatest gift one person
can give to another. But that gift must be earned and it can only
be given in an environment of trust, respect and caring. Without
that environment, the gift will not be valued and a very dangerous
situation is created.
D/s
is a wonderful and exciting life style, and with a little care
and planning it can be safe as well. Have fun my friends, and
be safe!!
SAFETY
101:
The
following section is a compilation of writing posted to IMH by
LadyScream. While some of this material has already been covered,
some is new. As with any SAFETY issue, the individual cannot be
exposed to too much information. You are encouraged to read this
material and use the information in your best judgment.
Class
#1 - On-line D/s
Even
in our little AOL world, there is danger. For all new Doms and
subs alike, here are a few standard rules to make your transition
into on-line D/s a safer, happier one.
You
do not have to answer ever IM (Instant Message)
that you get. Should you get one that is vulgar, rude or harassing,
simply use the cancel button, or send it to TOS (Terms of Service).
Even if you are a new sub and the IM is from an "on-line
Dominant", no one has to take abuse.
Do
some reading ! The fact that you're here in IMH is a good start
! But there are many good books about D/s on the market. Doing
your homework can really pay off. When you make your first few
forays into the chat rooms, don't announce in the open room who
you are and what you're looking for. That is a magnet for anyone
out there looking for quick and easy cyber-sex. If you're seriously
looking for friends, contacts and possible partners, be discreet.
Read profiles. IM respectfully to people who interest you. Make
polite conversation in the room. Show respect, and you'll earn
it in kind.
There
are 3 main "Le Chateau" rooms on the AOL Member Room
List. These are Le Chateau, Le Chateau Dungeon and Beginner's
Dungeon. Each of these rooms has a different personality. Try
them all, and see which one fits you best. ( ed. note: Chateau
Serenity has been created subsequent to this writing)
NEVER
give your real name, phone number, credit card information or
any other personal information to ANYONE you've just begun
to talk to on-line. Get to know someone over time before revealing
anything of importance !! First names are sufficient in the beginning.
When
approached by a potential partner, ask questions !! Get to know
the person as well as on-line will allow, and then very discreetly,
ask around for references about that person. Please heed any warnings
you may receive about an individual, but be sure you ask for more
than one opinion. If you cannot find anyone on-line who will vouch
for this potential partner either way, please proceed very slowly.
Remember that on-line is no different than real life. Make them
earn your trust.
Always
be aware that this forum of communication harbors unsavory characters,
just as any other. And also be aware that people may not always
be who they appear, or claim to be. If you proceed at a cautious
rate, you'll save yourself some possible heartache down the road.
PHONE
CALLS: If someone wishes to speak with you, and you aren't
entirely trusting of them yet, offer to call them instead of giving
your number out. You can disable any possible Called-ID function
they have by punching in the disable code (check your phone book
information pages, or call your phone company). Keep your first
conversation brief and friendly. If you still harbor doubts at
the end of this, continue to call them. Never go against your
instincts - they are your most valuable resource. If they demand'
your number and you've respectfully and repeatedly told them no,
perhaps it's time to close that particular door.
Even
if you live close to someone you meet on-line, it's not a good
idea to move into meeting them too quickly. Take your time in
getting to know them, speak several times on the phone, and if
you do agree to meet, set it up at a public place, and take a
friend along. A serious potential partner won't mind.
Class
#2 - First Time Meetings
There
are many ways to meet potential D/s partners. AOL and classified
ads are only two of
these
ways. First time meetings always require a little extra security
and safety. Here are some
simple
rules for those awkward first encounters.
Always
set the meeting up well in advance, so that you have time to arrange
a sufficient safety net. (This goes for Doms and subs alike.)
If you are traveling, make reservations at a motel, but do NOT
let the person you're meeting know where you'll be staying.
Arrange
to meet for the first time during the daylight hours in a public
place, such as a mall or a restaurant. Always park your car a
distance away, so that if the meeting goes badly, you cannot be
followed away. Another good idea is to take a cab to this first
meeting.
Do
not plan to play during your initial meeting. You should have
plenty to discuss, without sex or D/s play entering into the equation.
Think
about taking along a friend. A serious potential partner won't
feel intimidated.
SAFE
CALLS: There are many ideas out there about how safe calls
should be done, but I'll only offer you my humble opinion, and
what has worked for me in the past. Let 2 friends, preferably
local to where you'll be meeting, know your complete schedule.
Give them the full name of the person you'll be meeting, their
phone number and a brief physical description. You can even go
so far as to give them the make, model and plate number of the
car your date will be driving. Make sure that your friends have
an accurate description of you, as well, and the phone number
of the local police. Arrange to call these 2 friends immediately
after you've met your date. Give them a key word' beforehand,
that you can say if you need to get away from your date - for
example, you could say that everything is (great) if you need
help, or that everything is (wonderful) if you're okay. Your safe
calls should arrange to come get you, or give you some sort of
out if you use your keyword. If you'll be spending more than a
few hours with your date, it's a good idea to call your safe calls
every few hours, at least at first.
Be
honest with your date. If you feel, after this first meeting,
that this person is not someone you want to be involved with,
be honest and upfront about that. It's not necessarily a good
idea to do this at your first meeting. Go home, sleep on it. And
then arrange to speak to this person the next day. Remember, your
instincts are your most valuable resource.
Have
a good time. Be yourself. But most importantly, be SAFE
and be HONEST - with your date, and with yourself.
Class
#3 - First Scene Safety
It's
always a good idea to get to know someone very well before committing
yourself to play time. It's also a good idea to think long and
hard about what you expect, and then lay that out for the other
person clearly beforehand.
It's
also a good idea to list out your limits (yes, Doms have limits,
too !!) And exchange them well in advance of your first scene.
SAFE
CALLS: See Item #5 from Lesson #2. If you plan to play at
your new partner's home, make sure your safe call has the address,
the phone number and a clear map and directions to the home. If
you plan to play at your home, do NOT turn off your phone,
and make sure you have the number of the ambulance, local police
and a contact posted by each phone, in case of any emergency.
Secure any valuables before your partner arrives. If you plan
to play at a motel, or a third parties' home, make sure your safe
call knows exactly where you'll be. If in a motel, make sure they
have the room number, and the name the room is registered under.
It's also a good idea to keep your keys and purse or wallet by
the door, so you can grab them quickly if need be.
It's
a good idea to keep your first scene light. I do not recommend
bondage, gags or extreme pain for your first scene with a new
partner. There's plenty of other activities you can use to get
to know each other's likes and dislikes. Besides, if it works
out, you'll want to save something for later <g>
SAFEWORDS:
You should chose and discuss safewords and/or actions well in
advance of your first meeting. My recommendations are something
very simple, such as yellow for slow down, and red for stop. Never
play around with these words - they are your protection, and your
safety net, and should only be used when you mean them.
SAFE
SEX: I don't think anyone needs to be reminded about this,
but I'll throw it in anyway. Both parties should posses condoms,
in case one forgets. It only takes a few seconds to slip on a
condom. It's takes a long and painful time to die of AIDS.
If,
at any point, either party is feeling uncomfortable, S T O
P !!!!! Dress. Talk. And then talk some more. It takes a lot
of trust to have a meaningful D/s relationship. Take the time
to build that foundation.
Class
#4 - Emotional Safety
No,
pain is not all physical. Sometimes, it's in your head and your
heart as well, and sometimes, those scars are the hardest to heal.
Here are some tips to lessen your chances of getting them in the
first place.
Be
honest. With yourself. With prospective partners. Never be
ashamed to admit you don't know something, or to ask questions.
If you're looking for 24/7, don't tell someone you only want to
play. If you're looking for love and romance, be upfront about
it. If you are dishonest about what you want, it's not only you
who could get hurt in the long run.
Never
reveal too much about your personal life to anyone on-line. There
are too many people who'll use your heartaches and problems for
hot IM gossip.
If
something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Your instincts,
once again, are your greatest gift and resource. Use them, and
listen to them.
Heed
warnings. If you're told by more than one person that a prospective
partner could be trouble, LISTEN. Take into account that
it's someone else's opinion of someone you're getting to know,
but always listen, and openly ask your partner about what you
hear. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide if you believe everything
you hear, but always hear what someone is trying to tell you,
and always, check it out.
If
a prospective partner asks you not to ask anyone else on-line
about them, ask yourself why. Then ask them why. And if you can't
come up with any satisfactory answers, either walk away, or proceed
with EXTREME caution.
If
a prospective partner is hesitant with personal information after
you've already given yours, then take it as a warning. FIND
OUT WHY.
Don't
get dragged into on-line gossip. It may be fun for awhile, but
eventually it will only come back to haunt you. There are people
on-line who have nothing better to do. Don't become one of them.
Think
for yourself. Trust yourself. Be honest with yourself. And above
all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Copyright
1995 TheScreamer
Reused
with permission
|
